where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
