i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
