Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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