In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
