I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
