We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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