toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
