so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You ate ashes out of my bong
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
