Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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