You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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