evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
