i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
