So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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