There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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