nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone signed my nipple.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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