it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
