508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
