Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
