he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
