i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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