It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just forgot I was standing up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
