I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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