is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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