She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize