I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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