I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
