So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize