Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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