This house was built for laser tag.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
