one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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