I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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