I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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