I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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