also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
