if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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