I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
