i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
