yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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