He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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