it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
