did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
