hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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