How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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