MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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