Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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