Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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