You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His nipple licking is glorious
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
