so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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