i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
