Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
