Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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