so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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