not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
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Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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