We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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