New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
