yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
