Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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