so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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