She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize