If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everything about him screamed your future.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
