it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
