he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
