im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have fence marks all over my body
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
