I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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