On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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