All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
