why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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